Long Orange Shadows and Dust

Ambition.  Some time in the late 18^th century Edmund Burke said ambition was a key factor in thrusting human nature from its brute stages into its blue-tooth wearing successor.  Ambition is something I’ve felt a lot of recently.  My arms cast out wide to accept any possibility or opportunity that floats past.

I am, once again, in a moment of transition.  My time here at the farm is up.  Fall has rolled in and even the harvest is slowly creeping to a close.  The first frost came last weekend and our days of infinite tomatoes and peppers are no longer.  The sun casts long shadows all day long and I find myself clad in sweaters and long pants for the first time since May.  Last night I washed my old overalls, pulling them out of the dryer (the metal buttons still rather hot) I said hello as if to an old friend.  You will be my clothing now, I said aloud. 

Similarly, I find myself closing in emotionally and physically.  My hibernation instinct is kicking in and I begin to understand why all my older, more experienced farm-counterparts have spent the last month canning.  For only now does that reflex hit me.  Save up.  Store your goods.  There’s a long rainy winter ahead, young acorn.  I hanker for those I am closest to, and while I maintain my brutal sense of independence, I wish for the company of those with whom I am most relaxed.  My need for stimulation is at a minimum.  Physical and emotional warmth are the priorities.

At the same time, my body is dying for constant exercise and I’ve been doing my best to give it what it needs.  Converting fat to muscle.  I crave the harvest-foods of my ancestors and am reminded of Michael Pollan.  He advises us to eat foods our grandmothers would recognize.  I believe both my Jewish and my German grandmother would gladly identify a potato pancake and applesauce.  Yum.

So at this moment, after what feels like weeks of scheming what comes next, casting my social net out far and wide in search of my next great opportunity, actively trying to make everything happen around me.  I commit this Wednesday to sitting back and letting things take their course.  Today I will work hard in the field and I will give my body all the work it needs to feel strong and exhausted at the end of the day.